What do we do when we don't get what we want?

The question is:

What do we do when we don't get what we want?

Do we cry, do we go quiet, do we feel frustrated or do we start fighting with others.

Well we might do this and much more!

Actually, just like the immune system in our body that fights the attack of germs when we get hurt and helps in the healing, the mind also has defense mechanisms to protect us at times of frustration. These defense mechanisms protect our ego at times when we do not meet our goals.

Basically, psychology tells us that there are eight defense mechanisms that different people adopt depending upon their personality and situation.

Lets find out what they are:

1. Aggression: Most people who are short tempered tend to take out their frustrations by displaying aggressive behaviour. The target of their aggression would not necessarily be the source of their frustration but might be other people and things.

In sports, such people usually act like spoil sports. Some famous lawn tennis players, in their times, have displayed extremely aggressive behaviour on the Tennis courts. Such people might break their rackets or throw balls at someone or simply might just give someone hell. The anger covers their frustration.

Sometimes anger on the boss might be taken out on the subordinates since people usually refrain from answering back to their bosses. Impossible deadlines from the bosses are taken out on the people working in levels below a person.

Children sometimes ruin a board game like chess or monopoly when they feel they are losing.

2. Regression: This is a defense behaviour when the person starts behaving in a childish or immature manner when unable to achieve their objective. They might cry, whine and act like babies. Such people are better known as 'cry babies'.

Sometimes they might also become stubborn in their attitude. For example a younger sister saying that she wants the same bag as the elder sister and she will not eat unless or until she gets it. In such a state, a person displays extremely irrational behaviour.

3. Rationalization: This is defensive behaviour in which people reslove frustration by inventing plausible reasons for being unable to attain their objectives.

For example a person who did not do well in the exams might say that he did not have enough time for practice.

4. Withdrawal: Sometimes people may withdraw from the situation and redefine their objectives.

For example a person who did not get a promotion that he was expecting might change his career entirely and start his own business, with a feeling that he was not appreciated enough.

5. Projection: This is what majority of people 'love' to do. That is, put the blame on others.

In many instances people put the blame for their failures on others. Failure in exams was because of the loud music coming from the brother's room. An assignment was not completed because the group members did not work. This defence mechanism helps us to overcome our own feelings of inadequacy.

However, in my personal opinion, a person can only be successful in life if he or she starts owning his or her actions. Take ownership of not only your successes but also your failures so that you can improve.

6. Autism: So what happens when you couldn't get the person you had a crush on. This could be a film actor, a neighbour or a senior in your college. Well, if you can't have them, start fantasizing about them. What's better than daydreaming about how you and the person lived happily ever after in your own fairytale. This is similar to building your own 'Utopia'.

7. Repression: This is behaviour in which people avoid the tension arising from frustration by repressing the unsatisfied need. This involves plucking out the desire from your conscious mind.
People usually manifest their repressed needs in a socially acceptable way, also known as sublimation.

For example, a woman who is unable to bear children might start working in a kindergarten.

8. Identification: People sometimes resolve feelings of frustration by identifying with other relevant people. These might be characters in movie or in an advertisement. People might consider buying the product from the advertisement or adopt behaviour portrayed by the charecter in the movie in order to relieve themselves of frustration.

People, in different situations, may exhibit varying behaviour. However, the personality of a person is also detrimental in deciding which defense mechanism he or she adopts.

What are tears?

The question is what are tears and why do we cry?

The simple answer is when we get physically hurt.

But tears can also flow when we hurt inside. We can also cry when we feel helpless; helpless to change how things are; helpless to help a loved one when they are dying of an incurable disease; helpless to see a loved one in pain and anguish.

We also cry when we feel; feel other people's pain and suffering; feel when people die of hunger and thirst; feel when people find no other way out then ending their lives and relieving themselves of abject poverty, abuse and helplessness.

Its okay to cry and its okay to feel! It just shows that we are human!

Dedicated to people in love

The sonnet I am about to share is William Shakespeare's Sonnet number 116.

This sonnet speaks about love and how it never changes. It remains even to the edge of doom. It speaks about love being an everlasting mark. It considers that love can face any storm and hardship and still not alter.

This has been my personal favourite for many years and I will today share it with all you on my own personal blog space. I am dedicating this to all people in love!

William Shakespeare's SONNET 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Message in a bottle!

If you have something special to say to someone or maybe to everybody, try this really cute website, 'Message in a bottle'. Its a really great way of letting your messages reach everybody!

Not only do you send messages but can also standby and read. You can also anonymously send messages around the world.

Do try it!

The link is:

http://www.oceangram.com/

This also reminded me of the famous Mel Gibson film, 'Message in a bottle'!

Stay smiling :)

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Is this fair?

As I was sitting down and thinking about what to write about, I suddenly remembered an article that I had once read in a newspaper.

It was written by a young girl who had seen some unfair things happen but did not react at the right moment. She then went onto relate what had happened.

This article touched me very strongly too as I feel very strongly about this issue.

Well, this is about shopping in one of the better departmental stores in one of the better areas. Now, a young girl, carrying her little brother and a Rs. 10 note decided to get a packet of biscuits for her brother. She went in and slightly bedazzled by the size of the place started searching for the place where she could find the biscuits. While she was roaming about, one of the so-called 'Aunties' who felt that it was beneath her that such a poor girl be shopping in the same place as her decided to go to the manager. She went to him and said, 'Dekhey na, yeh log yahan bhi aa gaye hain.....Tauba meri'. (These poor people have come here too).

The manager was only but happy to oblige. He went to the little girl and pushed her out of the store. The girl kept screaming that I am not here to steal, only to buy biscuits but the manager paid no heed. He went back to the too full of herself 'Auntie' and pacified her that he had thrown out the dirt and there was nothing for her to worry about.

At this time, some of the people including the author felt helpless and felt that whatever happened had been unfair but nobody spoke up.

The author was still in a frenzy of thoughts when another so called 'Auntie' caught her attention. This particular woman was out to shop only for soaps and shampoos. She had two trolleys filled up with them and was now standing at the counter. Now, when they started billing, the bill came around to Rs. 24,000. But the lady had only Rs. 20,000. Now, the very same manager with a big smile on his face said, 'Don't worry, you come here so regularly, you can make the payment later'. The woman, with a face saying that 'Look, this is the respect I have in the society' walked out of the store with her head held high, as stiff as a steel rod.

Now what happened here? A person who had money could not get what she wanted and another who did not have the money walked out with the things she could not pay for. I ask you Why?

And do you think this is fair?

The 'King of Pop' is dead

This morning when I received the SMS saying, 'Michael Jackson is dead', my immediate reaction was 'Oh! My God, he was not that old'. Well, it seems he was only 50.

But then I sat down to think about his life and I remembered that in the 1980s, there was no bigger phenomenon than 'Michael Jackson'. He taught the youth how to 'break dance' and was actually the King of the Pop. I remember how youngsters used to gather in market places to perform the break dance and anybody who could move that way actually used to attach the word 'Jackson' to his name.

I remembered his songs; 'Thriller' with its spine-chilling ending; 'Billy Jeans', 'Just beat it' were some of his original hits. He introduced innovative ideas in all his song videos for example, lights would come on anywhere he would walk...wow! what a phenomenon.

Then I remembered his more somber and mature songs of later years. His very famous 'Black and White' was a beautiful song to bridge the gap between different races. Then his song, 'We are the world' had such meaningful messages that I had used it for a student presentation on environment. It had gone....'Lets make it a better place for you and for me and the entire human race....'

Then I thought about his more than famous estate, 'The Neverland', the name taken from the famous story 'Peter Pan'. He had probably made this to relive his childhood and to allow other children to enjoy theirs. Well, at Neverland, he had his own amusement park including a roller coaster, his own railway line and his own airport.

It should have been a place that would be brimming with joy but the last fifteen years of his life were only but joyful. Too many plastic surgeries gone too wrong had brought an artificiality to his face, the neverending child molestation charges (nobody knew the truth behind...maybe they were just publicity stunts) then his unsuccessful marriage with Lisa Elvis Presely. He was even charged by 'Child Protection' agencies for putting the life of his child in danger by showing him to the public outside his window. Its seems with all this behind him, he died of a broken heart.

But then, for a few days I had been hearing that there was going to be a huge 'Michael Jackson Relaunch' where he would be performing concerts all around the world. But I believe God had other plans of him.

No matter what, Michael Jackson's contribution to the world of Pop has no parallel.

Match fixing allegations in Wimbeldon

After cricket, now Lawn Tennis.

Yes! authorities at Wimbeldon are searching into a possible match fixing that took place in an entry level match.

American player Wayne Odesnik lost straight sets to an Austrian player in an entry level match. The bettings in this match were unusually high and a company Betfair made $ 350,000.

What alarmed the authorities was that there were unusually high bettings for an entry level match. Betttings were as high as 1 million pounds; while usually in a match like this, bettings do not go above 10, 000 pounds.

This matter is still under investigation and yet to be completely proven?

Its sad to hear news like this, especially when it comes to Cricket and Lawn Tennis. I hope and I pray that all players in all sports keep their honesty and integrity above setting a price for selling their conscience.

Macbook transforms into a spaceship

The latest Macbooks have an extra feature. They can turn into space ships. If you do not believe it, follow the following link:

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=adf_1245828170

Its amazing :)

Twitter is tweeting and everybody is taking notice!

Twitter is the best example of social media in present times. It is giving people freedom to express themselves through words, images and videos.

At present, it has millions of members and this number is expected to increase even more.

Lets take the Iranian revolution for instance. There are strict regulations imposed by the Iranian government to stop people from expressing themselves. It is at this time that social media like Twitter are allowing news to leak out. People are sharing their distress and suffering through links on the site. And others are passing the word. And also consoling with them.

But the problem is that as words and news is passed around, it may get distorted and misinterpreted and the real picture might not come forth. Its just like the game we used to play when we were young, 'Chinese Whispers'. The message passed around used to get distorted by the time it used to reach the last person.

And who takes advantage of these distortions and exaggerations? Maybe the governments of other countries who have political interests. Maybe the opposition within who want power.....Question is who will decide the fate of the Iranian people? The people themselves, the present government, the opposition or other countries...

Coming back to the Tweeting....the Twitter is playing such an amazing role that even the US parliament is beginning to take notice.

Also known as the 'SMS of the Internet', Marketers are predicting that Twitter might even make it to Fortune 500 one day.

Iranian Revolution and the Twitter

The situation in Iran is extremely heart breaking and saddening, with innocent people being killed for political reasons.

In these times, when there is are strong regulations on media within the country, social media tools like Twitter are allowing the Iranian people to speak out and tell the world the truth behind the stories. For example, it has been through such social networks like Facebook and Twitter that we got to see the killing of the young Iranian girl, Neda.

It has been really tragic how her family has been asked to leave their house and to grieve alone.

This message goes out to the people of Iran that you are not alone.

But it is also important that such social media act responsibly and do not exaggerate, exploit or misrepresent the truth.

The story of the 'determined' frog

Once upon a time there was a land of frogs, where all the frogs used to live happily together. However, their happiness was not to last long when one day a sly fox came into their area. His intentions were to bring discontentment in the hearts of the frogs.

So, he told them that although they were having a good life in the pond, but there was nothing better than climbing the tree next to the pond. Nobody in the frog community had ever climbed the tree, so there were many who thought they could do it.

So, they started to try to climb the huge tree. Firstly, the stronger ones tried but couldn't do it after multiple tries. Then all the other frogs kept on trying. People started to become disheartened and kept saying that 'This was Impossible'.Many gave up and went back home with a heavy heart.

Then one fine morning, a little froggy started approaching the tree. Everybody looked at her and started laughing. Everybody kept saying how, when the best failed, could a little froggy climb the tree. The kept calling out to her but she did not pay any heed.

She started trying and trying and trying. By evening, she had tried multiple times and now had found a way to climb up and eventually before night fall, she climbed up and reached the top.

Everybody cheered and called out to her but she did not listen. This was because the little froggy was deaf. The only reason she made it up the tree was because she could not hear all the disheartening and discouraging remarks of the other frogs.

REMEMBER, in life when you become focused and determined to achieve something great then never pay heed to all those who stop you and tell you that its NOT possible.

Unexplained mysteries

I have always had curiosity to know about unexplained phenomenon like UFOs, crop circles, ghosts and jinxed places. There are so many mysteries in this world that have gone unexplained.

Bermuda triangle is one that that has never been explained till date. Is it the magnetic field or something else, nobody knows. Where do all the air crafts and ships disappear, one wonders.

Then I can never forget the story I read when I was really young. It was about a cursed mummy from Egypt which was never to be brought out of its burial place. But the archaeologists did take it out. Well, the result was that everybody that had touched that mummy died in a mysterious way. Some were killed in a car accident while some died of a fatal disease or heart attack. Despite such incidents, this mummy was to be transferred to America to be kept in the museum. But it never made it. Wondering why? Well, this mummy was being carried on the ship called 'Titanic'. Now that's eerie.

Then, there are the crop circles. Nobody knows how they are made. Overnight, patterns and designs appear in the fields. They are huge and amazingly accurate in their symmetry. Nobody knows who is behind them. Although people who have investigated them have reported a weird sound when they are being made and a very strong force pushing the crops down. Wonder who is behind them. And I have always wondered why most of them appear close to the Stonehenge.

Then, there are people who have been helped by people who died a long time ago.

The most unexplained phenomenon is the existence of aliens and UFOs. There have been thousands of sightings all around the world. Some people also admit that governments of certain countries even have some bodies of aliens. But is this true, most people do not know. Even if it is, it is kept as a secret.

I was just watching a documentary about a boy in Nepal who started meditating in May 2005 and continued meditating for more than three years WITHOUT ANY FOOD AND WATER. Amazing!

I have also seen a news clip about a blind boy who can do everything perfectly by using the power of Echolocation. This is the same ability with which blind dolphins find their way across water. Wow!

Proud to be a Pakistani

Today, I walked on the streets and the road with my head held high. After all we are the best. After all we are the champs. I congratulated everybody I met. It was indeed a festive occasion.

What makes me a proud person today. It is not only that we won the trophy, but more so, HOW we did it.

Today, I can proudly say that we are an HONEST nation, that does not shirk on the duties and responsibilities given to them. We are HARD WORKING and strongly believe that its only this and not any other short cuts or loopholes that will bring us true rewards. We do NOT BOW DOWN under pressure, no matter how strong the opposing tide is. We display PERSEVERANCE when the time demands it. We are UNITED when moments of happiness and sorrow strike us; we are together. We believe in ONE ALLAH who is the mightiest of all and the only one to guide us.

Today, I feel, no problem is big enough for us and very soon all our uncertainties and problems will be resolved. We will once again live under a peaceful, blue sky. We will once again enjoy the mountains and valleys whose beauty has no bounds. We will very soon, Inshallah, step out of our house without any fear other than that of the Almighty.

Here is to HOPE, PEACE, HAVING FAITH, to always BELIEVING and to always be ALIVE IN YOUR HEART!

Yes, we won!!!!

What a day, what a match and what a victory!!! A special day for all Pakistanis. What wonderful moments. Truly amazing.....the Pakistani cricket team gave us so much to cheer about.

We had to go to a wedding, but like a 'true Pakistani', I refused to budge from the TV screen until the last ball was bowled and the Cup was safely home.

All through the way, we could see people dancing on the streets. They only let us pass when we showed them the V sign. That is all that those people wanted. To share their happiness.

Even at the wedding, people were happier. More than the mehndi, they were congratulating each other on the amazing victory. The DJ took out time to actually call out 'Pakistan Zindabad'.

Tonight, each and every house is rejoicing here in Pakistan. A much awaited and a much deserved victory. We are all together today as a nation, as one. At times of happiness and sorrow, we are all together.

Here are three cheers for the Pakistani team and CONGRATULATIONS to everybody!!!!!

Feelings about the Pakistani final match

Today is the final Pakistani T-20 match. All eyes will be on the screen after 8:30 p.m. All hearts are beating and we all have our fingers crossed. It has been a long struggle. Our team always performs when we are least expecting it and that is what they showed us by reaching the finals.

Reaching the finals was not only about cricket. For us Pakistanis, it was a breather..... like a cool breeze when the weather is just too hot. It was a refreshing news at a time when all we hear is sad and distressing news....when we are at war with elements we cannot even comprehend.

In these times of uncertainty, we are all together as a nation....praying from our hearts that we win. This will be a win for all of us......this will allow us to feel that we can do it again and prove to the world that we are still Number One.

Here is to the Pakistani team and here is to winning, Inshallah!