What do we do when we don't get what we want?

The question is:

What do we do when we don't get what we want?

Do we cry, do we go quiet, do we feel frustrated or do we start fighting with others.

Well we might do this and much more!

Actually, just like the immune system in our body that fights the attack of germs when we get hurt and helps in the healing, the mind also has defense mechanisms to protect us at times of frustration. These defense mechanisms protect our ego at times when we do not meet our goals.

Basically, psychology tells us that there are eight defense mechanisms that different people adopt depending upon their personality and situation.

Lets find out what they are:

1. Aggression: Most people who are short tempered tend to take out their frustrations by displaying aggressive behaviour. The target of their aggression would not necessarily be the source of their frustration but might be other people and things.

In sports, such people usually act like spoil sports. Some famous lawn tennis players, in their times, have displayed extremely aggressive behaviour on the Tennis courts. Such people might break their rackets or throw balls at someone or simply might just give someone hell. The anger covers their frustration.

Sometimes anger on the boss might be taken out on the subordinates since people usually refrain from answering back to their bosses. Impossible deadlines from the bosses are taken out on the people working in levels below a person.

Children sometimes ruin a board game like chess or monopoly when they feel they are losing.

2. Regression: This is a defense behaviour when the person starts behaving in a childish or immature manner when unable to achieve their objective. They might cry, whine and act like babies. Such people are better known as 'cry babies'.

Sometimes they might also become stubborn in their attitude. For example a younger sister saying that she wants the same bag as the elder sister and she will not eat unless or until she gets it. In such a state, a person displays extremely irrational behaviour.

3. Rationalization: This is defensive behaviour in which people reslove frustration by inventing plausible reasons for being unable to attain their objectives.

For example a person who did not do well in the exams might say that he did not have enough time for practice.

4. Withdrawal: Sometimes people may withdraw from the situation and redefine their objectives.

For example a person who did not get a promotion that he was expecting might change his career entirely and start his own business, with a feeling that he was not appreciated enough.

5. Projection: This is what majority of people 'love' to do. That is, put the blame on others.

In many instances people put the blame for their failures on others. Failure in exams was because of the loud music coming from the brother's room. An assignment was not completed because the group members did not work. This defence mechanism helps us to overcome our own feelings of inadequacy.

However, in my personal opinion, a person can only be successful in life if he or she starts owning his or her actions. Take ownership of not only your successes but also your failures so that you can improve.

6. Autism: So what happens when you couldn't get the person you had a crush on. This could be a film actor, a neighbour or a senior in your college. Well, if you can't have them, start fantasizing about them. What's better than daydreaming about how you and the person lived happily ever after in your own fairytale. This is similar to building your own 'Utopia'.

7. Repression: This is behaviour in which people avoid the tension arising from frustration by repressing the unsatisfied need. This involves plucking out the desire from your conscious mind.
People usually manifest their repressed needs in a socially acceptable way, also known as sublimation.

For example, a woman who is unable to bear children might start working in a kindergarten.

8. Identification: People sometimes resolve feelings of frustration by identifying with other relevant people. These might be characters in movie or in an advertisement. People might consider buying the product from the advertisement or adopt behaviour portrayed by the charecter in the movie in order to relieve themselves of frustration.

People, in different situations, may exhibit varying behaviour. However, the personality of a person is also detrimental in deciding which defense mechanism he or she adopts.